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Sophie

From Sophie

Hey folks, Sophie here. I’m 28, living in London, and I’ve just gone through a nasty breakup. We were together for five years, thought he was the one, you know? Turns out he had other plans. Caught him cheating with a colleague, and it shattered my world. Now, I’m left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and try to move on, but it’s so damn hard.

Living in London, everything reminds me of him. We shared an apartment, and I had to move out because I couldn’t stand being there. Found a new place, but it’s small and lonely. I’m used to having someone around, and now it’s just me and my thoughts. Nights are the worst. I lie awake, thinking about what went wrong, and why I wasn’t enough for him. It’s eating me alive.

Work’s not much better. I’m in marketing, a high-pressure job with constant deadlines. Normally, I’d throw myself into work to distract myself, but my heart’s not in it. I’m behind on projects, my creativity’s shot, and I’m worried my boss is gonna notice. I can’t afford to lose this job, but I can’t seem to focus either. It’s a vicious cycle.

My friends have been supportive, but they have their own lives. They’re all paired up, and I feel like a third wheel. Going out with them feels like a constant reminder of what I’ve lost. And then there’s social media. Seeing everyone’s happy relationships, engagements, weddings – it’s like rubbing salt in the wound. I’ve unfollowed so many people just to keep my sanity.

I’ve started drinking more than I should. It started with a glass of wine to help me sleep, but now it’s turning into a bottle most nights. I know it’s not healthy, but it numbs the pain, if only for a little while. I’ve also noticed I’ve been skipping meals, losing weight, but not in a good way. I just don’t have an appetite anymore.

I tried dating again, but it’s a disaster. Went on a few dates, and they were awkward and uncomfortable. I’m constantly comparing these new guys to my ex, and it’s not fair to them or me. I’m not ready, but I don’t want to be alone either. It’s a catch-22, and I don’t know how to break out of it.

Therapy’s been suggested, and I’ve thought about it. But finding a good therapist in London, who’s affordable, feels like another hurdle. I’ve reached out to a few, but the waiting lists are long, and it’s discouraging. In the meantime, I’ve been trying self-help books, online forums, anything to get some perspective and advice. It helps a bit, but it’s not a cure.

I guess I’m just trying to take it one day at a time. Some days are better than others. Sometimes, I’ll have a good day at work or a fun night out with friends, and it gives me hope. Other days, the loneliness and heartache are overwhelming, and I just want to crawl into bed and never get up. It’s a rollercoaster, and I’m just holding on for dear life.

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